Dads are….different….

Written by Rebecca

As Mr. Price’s 5th Father’s Day approacheth, of all the things I thought I’d see him as, during our marital tenure, a father is probably the coolest.  He was always going to be an excellent Dad, but to see it in action every day is by far, the best thing ever.  Besides mini eggs and of course Firefly returning to TV in a new series… but I digress…

Here’s a few funnyisms that I’ve come across, via personal or friend/family experiences and most especially as my husband and partner in crime has become a Dad, similar to the changes of “You know you’re a Mum when..” but the DAD version.  After all, Dads are… amm… different.. !?! :)

Dads are different because…
They say “suck it up, son”.  When Mums understand the man they are trying to build their son to be, but Mums would rather little man run into their arms for some cuddles and kisses.  Suck it up, Mum.

Dads are different because….
Plaid blue shorts, go with the bright green and red striped shirt any day… right?  No hon, they totally don’t.

Dads are different because….
They had no idea that a crazy girlfriend, or hormonally challenged pregnant wife is not the worst, a DAUGHTER is.  And puberty hasn’t even hit yet.

Dads are different because….
They’ve gotta be tough on the outside, but secretly they’re all mush on the inside.

Dads are different because….
Hair that is anything above a #2 blade is impossible to deal with.  Brush?  Hair bows?  Conditioning spray?  WTF?

Dads are different because….
They had no idea that one day they would be asked to participate in a tea party, wear a hat or dress and be begged to get their toenails painted ….. and that they’d actually do it.

Dads are different because….
If you have to ask your wife “when was the last time your kid had a bath?” , the answer is not tomorrow.

Dads are different because….
They never thought that aiming for fruit loops and peeing into the toilet could be not only be “fun”, but a team sport.  And high fives are always at the end.

Dads are different because….
They’ve already silently decided on the method of execution for anyone stupid enough to mess with their kids, BEFORE THE BIRTH, but they have the execution and escape plan all mapped out just in case.

Dads are different because….
They never fail to miss out on some good old fashioned daily “R&R”.  Recliner and Remote time.

Dads are different because….
They are so glad they’ve been reminded how cool it is to build spaceships and time travel with a 4 year old using sophisticated technology only available in a living room such as, 8 pillows, a couch and 2 blankets…

Dads are different because….
The first thing out of their mouth after a son is born is “I can’t wait until he is able to mow the lawn.”

Dads are different because….
The first thing out of their mouth when a daughter is born is, “She can start dating when she’s 40”.

Dads are different because….
They know how to make the best gun, spaceship and boat sound effects, it’s a unique talent that’s reserved for the XY chromosome only.

Dads are different because..
They think that a major developmental milestone is when the baby understands “Go get Daddy a beer from the fridge.” …and actually does.

Dads are different because….
They also think another major developmental milestone is when they toddler gets the beer from the fridge and OPENS it.  OR sees Daddy in a bad mood and instinctively knows to get Daddy a beer from the fridge without being asked.  Which is also, SCARY.

Dads are different because….
They think ANOTHER major developmental milestone is when the kid not only gets the beer, opens it and serves it in a chilled mug for Dad to have while said “kid” mows the lawn…Then realizes this is probably when the kid is a teenager, and they need to discourage this kind of behavior and the teenager is probably being so nice they are hiding the fact that they’ve just wrecked the car.

Dads are different because….
They just don’t understand why their kid(s) needs a birthday party with inflatables and balloons and 20 million kids, when a pat on the back and not being grounded, was good enough in their day.

Dads are different because….
It’s totally fun to hang with other dads and compare notes on when you were able to get your kid to say “You want tickets to the gun show?”

Dads are different because….
They too realize, like mums, that when blinking happens, children grow and that sucks.  Majorly.

Dads are different because….
Nobody else understands what it’s like to be the Daddy to “Daddy’s little girl.”

Dads are different because….
Showing your son how to grill and master the outdoors via the perfect steak (or ribs), is a memorable moment in life.

Dads are different because….
They can fix any toy (or household item for that matter) with duct tape, and this knowledge is passed down from generation to generation, sadly.

Dads are different because….
They are supposed to be the parent in charge of “sports” and “tools”.  They quickly realize this comes with the job description when the title of “DAD” is awarded.

Dads are different because….
They never realized that taking their small child to the doctor to get needles would hurt just as much (or more) for them.

Dads are different because….
They are genuinely thrilled with the fact that their “boys can swim” throughout the entire 9 month period of Mums misery.

Dads are different because….
They have a special quality called a “mental high five” that has a distinct facial expression.  This mental pat on the back is self awarded in situations like fixing a broken household item (with duct tape) or fixing a scraped knee.  Both situations are followed by the “mental high five” and a look of satisfaction, topped with folded arms over Dad’s puffed out chest.

Dads are different because….
They look at pregnant Mummy with pride “I did that to her.”  (Insert Mental High Five here)
Mum looks back at Dad, “You did this to me.”
Totally different facial expressions though.

Dads are different because….
They’ve never smiled so wide as to when their kid turned around and stated something factually correct about the difference between Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation, and that it was just never the same after Captain Jean Luc Picard was captured by the Borg.

Dads are different because….
Back in their day, beatings were around, cardboard boxes were birthday presents and walking uphill to and from school was the norm, kids have it so easy these days.

Dads are different because….
Dads that have daughters look back on their own dads and think how easy they had it, compared to them.

Dads are different because….
Passing down their treasured legos, comic books or action hero toys, is considered a deep emotional gesture and part of the treasured family heirloom collection, between dads and kids.

Dads are different because….
They look forward to the day that matching head sets and Tom Clancy’s latest Rainbow Six on Xbox has been conquered by the most impressive father/son team known to man.  Roger that, 10-4.

Dads are different because….
They say things like “If someone tries to kill you, you kill them right back!”

Dads are different because….
They give great advice like, “You never throw the first punch, but always defend yourself.”

Dads are different because…
They genuinely despise the day their daughter starts dating, but secretly is looking forward to the moment they will get to use their chosen method of terror on the daughters date… shotgun on the porch, bloody knife.. life threats…

Dads are different because….
They’re just as proud as Mum is, but would rather Mum take care of all the soppy crying and ridiculous ear to ear smiling.

 

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:  Dads are different because…

They’re the hairier half of the all important parent team.  Dads and parents come in all shapes and sizes, but regardless of how today’s families are built, it definitely requires a team to conquer and raise a kid, or multiple kids, so that they turn out to be great people.  And sometimes that’s a total crapshoot anyway.

Good luck.

 

Happy Father’s Day.

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