10 Things Tuesday: Oh The Things I’ve Learned in a Month

Written by Cilla (written just before Steff turned 1 month…he’s now 6 weeks!)

Well, hello world! Oh I feel like myself just by typing on the computer. You don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve turned on the computer more than once in a day, let alone TYPED on one. It feels so good! Of course, I’m doing this with a baby attached to a part of my body I didn’t regularly leave out a month ago. The things that have changed. For those of you who don’t know, we welcomed the birth of our first son on August 7th, almost a month ago. He is everything we dreamed, and everything we…well, didn’t. He’s perfect just like that. I thought I knew so much about kiddos and babes. I don’t know how many beautiful babies I’ve gotten to sleep and how many parents have called me the baby whisperer. Folks I am here to say, I didn’t (and don’t) know a thing! As you can imagine, I’ve already learned a lot over the last month. Here are a few of those things…some for your comic relief.

1. There’s absolutely no way to prepare for parenthood.

2. The feelings of love and responsibility are so strong that it’s overwhelming. Like it almost made me sick to my stomach from day 1. I mean, I love Bret with all my heart, but this love is just different. It’s so strong that it’s over powering. I love him more than life itself. It’s a wonderful, yet terrifying thing. So scary that even after all this time trying and dreaming of him, I still feel like I wasn’t ready for this.

3. All those books you read that contradict each other and you think it’s okay because you’ll find a happy medium and raise your son that way? Yeah…just don’t read them. If you do you may find yourself walking around in the middle of the night rocking your son back to sleep and trying to remember what the books said…only to find yourself pissed because now you have all these thoughts in your head. “Put him down in his crib and let him cry it out.” “No…lay him in the bed with you because what kind of mother are you if you don’t let your baby sleep with you.” “Oh you’re going to spoil him by rocking him to sleep.” “No, you can’t spoil a baby this young.” Then you just feel like a horrible parent because there’s no way you’re getting anything right. This is just one example of the many times that the contradicting books have gotten the best of me and drove me to the point of tears.

4. There’s a lot of assholes in the world. I mean a lot. Here are just a few…

* The people who designed the buttons on sleepers.

* The people who put buttons on the BACK of baby clothes (I mean really….how do you think I’m suppose to button THAT!?!).

* The people who design baby gear…like swings and bouncy chairs. Really, you think it’s a good idea to let the music run for only 15 minutes? Don’t you know that babies wake up when the music stops!?!

* Other parents on message boards and blogs that judge you for the way you raise your child. They make you feel guilty no matter what choices you make.

5. There’s nothing better than when you make your child smile.

6. So, we use to laugh, and even sometimes get annoyed, when parents would say “it changes your life”. Of course we knew it would change our lives. We wanted that. We welcomed that. We even knew that we couldn’t be prepared for how much it would change our lives. But, now, we think that comment is the UNDERSTATEMENT OF ALL UNDERSTATEMENTS! That’s the comment that almost all parents make and they think that’s suppose to somehow prepare you. Um…no! You all are crazy if you think that little tiny sentence is going to really let someone know that it’s going to change their lives or to the extent at which it will change your life. Yes, I know…if you had gone on and elaborated on the subject, I probably would’ve just rolled my eyes and thought “yes…I know…I know”. Yeah…I DIDN’T know!

7. I will cherish every single moment I have breastfed my son, but it was so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I am here to say that if you don’t feel like it will get easier and that you just can’t do it another day, it does get easier. But still those first few weeks are insanely tough. I will cherish even more every moment he has fallen asleep on my chest while I’m trying to burp him. It is impossible to get anything accomplished when you have such a cute little thing hugging your chest. These are my absolute favorite moments. I just want to fall asleep with him every time.

8. No matter how much you wanted this. No matter how long you prayed for this. No matter how long you had to prepare for this, you may still find yourself thinking “what did we do?” or “can I really do this?” or even “I can’t do this.” The majority of days this past month has had one of those thoughts creep in at least once.

9. Babies fight sleep too. Really? Who knew this started so young! No one warned me about that one and it can be a battle!

10. This one is something I knew from the beginning…with each shot, every morning I threw up, every kick, every push, and every tear…IT IS ALL WORTH IT! Oh how I love him. Love his sweet baby breath after he gets done eating. Love his soft soft skin. Love his tiny toes and fingers and nose. Love his lips that are mini versions of his daddy’s. Love his hair. Love every coo and every “conversation”. Love the way he holds me while he’s nursing. Love all the smiles. Love his long blonde eyelashes. Love the way he almost holds his wubbanub in his mouth. Love the way he sounds when he sleeps. Love the way he falls asleep on my chest. Love the way he holds onto my fingers. Love the way he has lifted his head from early on to look around the room and not miss a thing. Love the noise he makes when he stretches. Love how freakin cute he is when he stretches…well, when he does anything. Oh yes…as much as I joke and talk about the difficult parts, it is certainly all worth it. It’s hard to think on one hand that you absolutely cannot do this (or even “what were we thinking?”), but on the other know that there’s no way you could live without this little miracle.

Bonus: Farts are funny no matter how old you are. Holding Steff…Bret and I are loving on him and then he toots. We laugh…you know, like you do when an adorable little baby passes gas. Okay…what you do when any one passes gas. Then Steff starts cracking up. We had our first family laugh over a toot.

Deborah - September 23, 2011 - 5:16 pm

Cilla, you made me cry and my arms ache with longing for my babies who are all grown. And for all the mothers out there in this world who would rather live their own life’s their way then to give their love to the child they brought into this world. Now that you know mother hood nothing on this earth can ever compare to it. It is totally amazing. Love you my beautiful neice

cheryl - September 20, 2011 - 9:41 am

Such a beautiful little miracle! So glad that you are enjoying these early moments, and that the good ones are outweighing the not so good ones!

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